The Leadership Dilemma: Work You Love vs. Parent Guilt vs. “The Flow” – Is There A Winner?

 

What do you do when work and ‘parent guilt’ collide?

A few weeks ago, after the summer months of staying pretty local, I headed off on my first post-summer work engagement in Toronto, followed immediately by another one in Montreal. A busy week indeed!

But…I had a problem.

My 12-year old son had just a few days left of his summer vacation, and then was starting high school at the end of the week. Quite the milestone.

Which is the same week where I was going to be gone (or at least the first 3 days of that week).

And the mom guilt hit hard.

To be clear: I love what I do. At the time that I left, I was really looking forward to those speaking engagements, getting back up in front of a group and seeing what transpires when a bunch of super-smart people get together to talk about how to be even more awesome.

But as I listened to the plans that the other parents made for the “last hurrah” for their kids on that final week of freedom, in the form of waterparks, trampolines, bike rides, swimming pools, and “insert random super-amazing activity that will build memories forever,” I was feeling…well, let’s be honest…not great.

I understand that there’s no such thing as work/life balance. Sometimes the ‘work’ takes a front seat, and sometimes ‘life’ has to take priority.

As one of my very smart colleagues said, it’s all about the flow. A little more on one end (ie. work) at one time means that the other (ie. family) has to give. At least a little bit. And then when that busy time is over, it can flow in the other direction.

At the time, I reached as far back into my brain as I could in that ‘low’ moment, and tried to call forward a more positive mindset. I compelled myself to believe that those 3 days would pass successfully, my son would stay busy another way, and he was going to be totally OK.

I, on the other hand, had to focus on giving myself a break, trusting that all would be OK, and focus on the ‘happy place’ with my clients so that I could come home renewed and invigorated.

But…still.

It doesn’t always come so easily. And I really had to push myself into this mindset.

I’m aware that moms feel it, dads feel it, parents and caregivers of all kinds feel it.

And now I wonder, when I’m walking through the airport, a client’s office, or into a meeting…..who is putting on a brave face and ‘gettin ‘er done’, while dealing with — or pushing away — all the unpleasant feelings that come with ‘parent guilt’?

In the end, he was fine (of course he was). He had other people to hang out with, things to do, and time to NOT do anything, NOT abide by a schedule, and just relax and prepare himself for high school.

I was fine too (both on the work AND personal mindgames front). The busy week came and went, I got a chance to work with some amazing people, and was still there to accompany my son to the first day of high school.

And now the challenge remains: The next time I have to be absent during a time where my family is otherwise available, will I be able to manage the parent guilt, manage the mindset, and just KNOW that everything will work out fine?

I think it’s still a work in progress.

Please tell me that I’m not the only one going through this (pretty please? 😬) I’d love to hear from you in the comments!